gender difference
Saturday, 30 January 2010 10:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
miriam_eI've been trying to distract myself while waiting for the phone to ring with news of Mali.
I got to thinking about claims of difference between the minds of women and men. In the past I've witnessed hot arguments on the subject, with both sides generally insisting more or less the same thing -- that men and women think and feel differently. I'd always been uncomfortable with such arguments as nobody ever gives any evidence; they argue entirely from their own experience, with one saying to the other that "You can never know what it feels to be [insert male or female here] because you are not." It was always a confounding statement to make, because they're right, nobody can know what maleness or femaleness feels like if they are not of that gender. However I always found it unsettling because I never felt a part of my gender, so I'd always felt a little mystified at what they meant.
It suddenly hit me today that the entire argument springs from a delusion. When people assume that what they feel is shared by others of their gender, they are making an unfounded assumption. They say people of their own gender feel a particular way, and that those of the other gender don't, but how can they possibly know if either of those statements is true? Clearly they can't. Neither sex has access to telepathy. Nobody knows what another human being feels like, let alone an entire gender of humans. And the simple fact that I stand alone, feeling not particularly female or male would tend to disprove it anyway. If I feel like this, how many others do?
I've met plenty of strong, aggressive, gadget-oriented women, and gentle, touchy-feely males. It looks to me that there is far more overlap between the sexes than there are distinguishing features, meaning that many, many people (most?) are not able to be easily fitted into any simplified box of shared experience or mental traits.
Despite it being one of those commonly accepted "self-evident truths", it seems it is really just another example of sexism.
I got to thinking about claims of difference between the minds of women and men. In the past I've witnessed hot arguments on the subject, with both sides generally insisting more or less the same thing -- that men and women think and feel differently. I'd always been uncomfortable with such arguments as nobody ever gives any evidence; they argue entirely from their own experience, with one saying to the other that "You can never know what it feels to be [insert male or female here] because you are not." It was always a confounding statement to make, because they're right, nobody can know what maleness or femaleness feels like if they are not of that gender. However I always found it unsettling because I never felt a part of my gender, so I'd always felt a little mystified at what they meant.
It suddenly hit me today that the entire argument springs from a delusion. When people assume that what they feel is shared by others of their gender, they are making an unfounded assumption. They say people of their own gender feel a particular way, and that those of the other gender don't, but how can they possibly know if either of those statements is true? Clearly they can't. Neither sex has access to telepathy. Nobody knows what another human being feels like, let alone an entire gender of humans. And the simple fact that I stand alone, feeling not particularly female or male would tend to disprove it anyway. If I feel like this, how many others do?
I've met plenty of strong, aggressive, gadget-oriented women, and gentle, touchy-feely males. It looks to me that there is far more overlap between the sexes than there are distinguishing features, meaning that many, many people (most?) are not able to be easily fitted into any simplified box of shared experience or mental traits.
Despite it being one of those commonly accepted "self-evident truths", it seems it is really just another example of sexism.
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no subject
Date: 2010-02-01 10:05 am (UTC)I remember seeing a diagram in an article in Scientific American years (decades) ago about sexuality. It showed gender to be a continuous spectrum, and tore up the misconception that there are just poles with only rare perversity in between. I really wish humanity could get used to and enjoy the idea of diversity. It would be so much more healthy than this idea of purity that generally brings such dysfunction and illness.
I worry about males today. In a weird way they have become their own worst enemies. Expectations placed upon them by others and themselves are conflicting with good sense. As a result, young males particularly, are suiciding in horrifying numbers, especially here in Australia. Women have seen their expectations loosen up while men have, as you say, seen their cultural boxes become smaller.
I'll keep my eye out for that movie too. Thanks.
no subject
Date: 2010-02-03 03:25 am (UTC)I remember seeing the Kinsey scale that kinda does the same thing for sexual orientation when I was 18. That shifted my perception in a positive way too. It's hard to even explain how or why. I was already aware I was bisexual (and now I'm not keen on that word cause it implies only two genders or sexes, but at least people know what I mean when I say it). I was okay with being bi too already. I guess it helped just to see my way as being part of a spectrum. It feels a bit cozier to think of it that way. :)
I know that there are a great many people who are happy about difference. I know these people and this is how I know. So I have hope. :)
And its true that many have more trouble with it but really life gets boring and painful if one tries to shut out all difference. It takes it's toll. Life does have a way of challenging our perceptions. So that's cool.
I worry about the men too. I do see change though and I really want for my part to try and be kind, not accommodating to what ails them but kind.
I do have hope. Which is good. :)