chapter 5

[miriam_e]

The latest part of my Selena City story about a lesbian security worker in a near future where sexuality is not an issue.

part 5 Tourists (2254 words)

Sorry about the late update. Missed a day. Not very happy with this one. It is unbelievably difficult to write a day-in-the-life stuff without it degenerating into boring drivel or unlikely crap.

Let me know what you think of it.

Comments

[rpeate.livejournal.com]

I think it's great, but the small grammatical errors drive me crazy.

[miriam-e.livejournal.com]

:) Thanks Robert.

uh oh... more editing to do in December. I didn't check this one over as heavily as I normally do. Can you give me a hint on the grammatical errors?

[rpeate.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. You're a good writer. It flows well. You don't use any unnecessary words--you are clean and concise (not to mention interesting).

I don't think I can give hints. I think I can only provide you with a list, if you want it.

[miriam-e.livejournal.com]

Heheh :) I see my concise writing as a bit of a problem actually. I've always written short stories and most of my favorite writers have been masters of that form. I want to be able to write at least one passable novel one day. I see this stuff as practice to that end. Unfortunately no matter what I do I can't seem to write like a novelist. Oh well... one day, maybe. :)

If you could be bothered making a list I would be eternally grateful. I understand that you have a life though, being married to a wonderful woman and raising a delightful child, so I won't expect it. :)

[rpeate.livejournal.com]

I realise you've scrapped this chapter, but perhaps my suggestions will help you in the future. I will compile them ASAP.

[miriam-e.livejournal.com]

Actually, I haven't scrapped this chapter, but another which I haven't put online. My statement was a little ambiguous... oops.

There is certainly no hurry about the suggestions. I won't be editing till probably December or early next year. I come off this medication in January, I think... or is it February?... at which point I'll get my brains back, so it would probably be wisest for me to leave it till then. :)

[rpeate.livejournal.com]

Well, I sent my thoughts anyway!

I did not address punctuation at all, on purpose--I felt that was too nit-picky.

I am sensitive to tense because it was a problem of mine.

[miriam-e.livejournal.com]

Thanks Robert. :) Received.

I don't mind punctuation nit-picking. I don't always take them on board, but it is useful to have other points of view. I understand people not wanting to mention them as I've known religious wars to break out over punctuation (and spelling). That always struck me as odd because both punctuation and spelling are really in a state of flux and are quite arbitrary.

Tense, however, is extremely important and I try very hard to keep an eye on that, so catching slip-ups there is very much appreciated.

[dorjejaguar.livejournal.com]

I like it, it's very readable and warm.

[miriam-e.livejournal.com]

:) Thanks.

[dorjejaguar.livejournal.com]

Yup. :)

[cranky--crocus.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's wonderful. =). The new character is so cute.

Kiwi

[miriam-e.livejournal.com]

He is based on a real-life person. He was the sweetest, most admirable person I've ever met. Pretty-much everybody he met adored him. He had been brain-damaged at birth, but his mother raised him so well that you couldn't tell until you got to know him and noticed he always asked the same questions and cracked the same jokes. He dressed impeccably and was extremely kind and well mannered.

My girlfriend and I were devastated when his Mum phoned up one day to tell us he'd died during an epileptic seizure.

[cranky--crocus.livejournal.com]

=(. What a beautiful soul. I'm honored to have met his memory, even indirectly. Thank you.

Kiwi

[rpeate.livejournal.com]

Oh, my god!

[beeny89.livejournal.com]

Wow.. great as usual. im really hooked on this story!

[miriam-e.livejournal.com]

Heheh :)
Thank you.

[blacks-empire.livejournal.com]

Bravo as usual, Miriam. I loved Colby and saw your explanation of him above. I also have to tell you that I LOVED the way that Adele treated the musician. You know, I think that if more of them got the "regular people" treatment, they would be a lot less fun to photograph and such.

It will be very nice to see which direction Adele's life takes her now.

~K

[miriam-e.livejournal.com]

:) Thank you.

Just a little bit more a-day-in-the-life stuff then back to the main story.

I'm a bit worried about the part I'm writing today. I'd mapped it out weeks ago and it is a bit controversial and no matter what I do it seems to be coming out... wrong.
Oh well... we'll see.

[rpeate.livejournal.com]

Nice icon!